Same Page, Two Different Books

Every once in a great while, my husband still amazes me. Just when I think I have heard it all, along comes something that tops the previous "I Can't Make This Stuff Up" conversation winner.

We have recently been kicking around the idea of taking our kids to Dante's 10th (and final) Circle of Hell. You know, the place where everyone whistles while they work (at not clawing their eyes out while in line for 2 hours) and seeing a "hidden Mickey" in the puddle of barf outside Space Mountain is all part of The Magic. Not wanting to get their hopes up, we have not mentioned the possibility of an upcoming trip to either child, unless you count the time I slipped up in desperation by screaming, "YA KNOW, WALT DISNEY WATCHES KIDS JUST LIKE SANTA, SO I GUESS WE ALL KNOW WHY WE HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THE MOST MAGICAL PLACE ON EARTH!"

While on school vacation last week, the four of us packed up the van and started off on an overnight road trip. Here is the conversation that ensued (about 10 miles into the 200 mile trip) between Mark and I while both kids were just approximately 2 feet behind us in the middle row.

Me (while driving): Hey co-pilot, keep your eyes open for a Barnes & Nobles.

Co-pilot: What? Why? I thought we were on a road trip, not a shopping expedition.

Me: If we pass a Barnes & Nobles, I just want to quickly stop in so I can get a book about the...eh...um...(whispered softly)...The BIG D.

Him: On vacation?!?! REALLY???

Me: I will be quick, I'll just run in. I know exactly where they are in the store.

Him: YOU'VE LOOKED AT THEM BEFORE???

Me (whispered): Shhhh....big ears in the back seat. And yes, I've spent a lot of time in that section of the bookstore looking through them.

Him: And you REALLY think that this is good timing, while on vacation together?

Me: Sure. What's wrong with planning for the next step?

Him: WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT???? WHERE DO I START?!?!?!

Me (whispered): JESUS, lower your voice, BIG EARS IN THE BACK SEAT. Anyway, it's going to come before we know it and I would just like to be prepared.

Him (through gritted teeth): Oh, you'll NEVER be prepared.

Me: Which is why I want to stop at Barnes & Nobles and get the book.

Him: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! WHILE WE'RE ON VACATION AS A FAMILY?!?!

Me: Calm down. You know I am a planner. I like to make a plan just to make a plan. How long are we going to be married before you figure that out.

Him: Apparently not long enough.

Me: Huh?

Him (in hushed tones): If you REALLY HAVE TO HAVE a book about 'The Big D' this very day, then fine. We'll stop and you can get your book and you can plan away.

Me: Thanks. That's all I am asking for.

Him (in lower hushed tones): Pffft. Yeah, right. I am sure you'll be asking for much more than just a book.

Me: Maybe a coffee too.

Him: And three-fourths of everything.

Me: Huh?

Him (from up on his high horse looking down): Buying a book and planning your divorce while on a road trip with your family is not what I would exactly call a "good idea", Tracy.

Me: Hmmm. Now that makes TWO books I need at Barnes & Nobles.

I tell ya, he still amazes me. I can't make this stuff up.